I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
