My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
