what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
