just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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