why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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