I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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