hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
im six kinds of drunk right now
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Every concussion has its silver lining
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
