My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
jump out the window naked night went bad
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