I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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