They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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