So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
