i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I would ride that face into the sunset
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
