Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
