i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
