And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I stole a fireplace last night.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
