I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
