Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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