My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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