You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
