i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
