Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
