i permit you to call me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
