so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
