I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Randomize
