The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
