"it" just moved
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
