after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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