dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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