this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
