i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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