K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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