I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
