Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
