He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
