I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
