Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
