We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
