You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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