I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
