Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
