I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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