My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
