I wannas sexs uuuuu
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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