i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
