More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
