New invention idea: vibrating tampons
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
