Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
