turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Randomize
