You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
