Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
