just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
