Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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